"Nate- its not what you think it is.."
::She hated lying to him. But what else was she supposed to do. No one knew about this, and she wasn't about to let him know::
::He brushed away some of her hair.::
"No, I know what it is. My cousin had it. It's ok, but Blair- you're better than this. You're beautiful."
::Tears were streaming down her face:: "No Nate, I'm not."
::He kissed a tear away.::
"I wouldn't lie to you. You're the most beautiful girl in New York City. Hell, the world. You don't need to do this. It's not attractive, I mean- puking is not sexy."
"Nate its not something I can just change. I need to do it"
::She walked over to the sink and splashed water on her face, lookin at her reflection in the mirror::
::He went and rubbed his hand on her back.::
"I'll help you. You don't need to do it, but I know it'll be hard to stop."
::She didn't like to be weak and need other people to help her::
"I'll be fine"
::She leaned over the counter and put her head in her hands::
"So much for sex tonight" ::she mumbled quietly. As soon as she said it she wish she hadn't. maybe he didnt hear her::
::He grabbed her gently by the shoulders and turned her so she faced him and spoke firmly.::
"This isn't fine. If you won't change for yourself, please, change for me."
::He had heard her mumble something about sex, but it wasn't important to him. Sure, he wanted to sleep with Blair, but he wanted her to be healthy.::
::She looked into his eyes. She didn't know if she cared about herself all that much but she cared about Nate::
"Ok, I'll try" ::She looked at him firmly. She meant it::
::He gave her a kiss on the cheek and smiled.::
"Now brush your teeth before I even try and kiss you."
::Blair opened one of Nate's drawers. She had kept a toothbrush in here for this number one reason. She brushed her teeth and then turned to him::
"I love you Nate"
"I love you, too."
::He kissed her and slipped his tongue into her mouth, and sighed.::
"Hmm.. much better."
::Blair smiled when Nate said this then put her hand behind his head, pushing her mouth against him, kissing him deeply::
" i want you" ::She whispered to him::
::He put a hand under her shirt and rested it on her back while kissing her. He pushed her against the wall passionately.::
"Let's get out of the bathroom."
::He grinned and picked her up, carrying her with one arm under her knees and another behind her back. He led her into his bedroom and placed her gently on the bed.::
::She laid down on the bed, pulling him on top of her. She kissed him deeply, running her hands inside his shirt. Nate had been working out a lot over the summer and it really showed. Blair liked it a lot:: is this it, is it really going to happen--TONIGHT ::Blair mentally went over what she was wearing under her clothes. She smiled inside knowing that she was wearing nothing to be ashamed of::
::He plunged his tongue deeply into her mouth and ran a hand through her hair. He loved the feelings of Blair's small hands on his body. He reached for the hem on her shirt, and slowly pulled it over her head. He broke the kiss for a second and asked her breathlessly.::
"Are you ready for this?"
"I--I...Yes" ::Blair had been going over it in her head for years- but now that it was finally time, she was nervous. Nate had done this already before, with her best friend, the one person that Blair always felt was pefect and flawless compared to her. And now, she was afraid Nate would be comparing the two girls the entire time::
::He grinned and didn't say a word. He kissed her again and reached behind her back and unhooked her bra. He trailed kisses down her neck. He reached for her skirt, and slowly slid it down her legs. He looked at her and smiled.::
"You're beautiful, Blair."
::Blair was getting more nervous as each second passed. She laid here, almost completely naked on Nate's bed. She was vulnerable and--naked. She started fidgeting with his shirt, pulling it over his head and then moved on to fighting with his belt for what seemed like 10 minutes::
::He noticed she was nervous. He knew she had never done this before. He reached to help her with his belt and he smiled at her. He kissed her gently on the lips.::
"It's going to be ok."
::She slid his pants off and ran her hands all over his body. She was trying to do everything right and going over every book she's read, every movie she's seen, every detail anyone has ever told her::
"I want you," She whispered.
::he looked into her eyes, and could tell she wasn't ready.::
"I want you, too. But, we should wait. He rolled him self from off of her and laid on the bed next to her.::
::She sat up quickly, pulling Nate's shirt around her, just so she wasn't naked for one more second than she needed to be::
::He shook his head.::
"Nothing's wrong. I just don't tink we should rush this. We just got back together, and we should wait."
::tears were coming back to blair's eyes::
"I guess-you're right"
::Inside she was sure he didn't want her. maybe he wanted georgie or--or Serena::
::He saw the tears in her eyes.::
"No, no, Blair. Don't cry. It's not that I don't want this.. wow, do I. But, we just got back together, what.. few days ago?"
::He pulled back the covers on the bed and slid under. He grabbed Blair's hand and pulled her under them and pulled the covers over them as he put his arms around her.::
"I know, you're right"
::She leaned into Nate as they both slid under the covers::
"We'll be ok right"
::in the back of her mind she was thinking about what happened in the bathroom-he had stopped her before she had finished and she could almost feel the food filling up in her stomach, she felt disgusted with herself. She tried to brush away those feelings but she just couldnt::
::He nodded and kissed her on the forehead.::
"Of course. And the longer the wait, the better it is when it finally happens."
::He smiled and laid his head on the pillow.::